Dear Prof Brad,
My name is Phua Rui Shen and I am from group 4 of your
effective communication class. I am writing to introduce myself to you in hopes
you will get to know more about me. I graduated with a Diploma in Mechatronics
and Robotics from Singapore Polytechnic in 2017. I really enjoy playing frisbee casually with my friends during my free time. Since young, I have always been curious about how the mechanism of a certain object works. This curiosity in me
has piqued my interest in mechanical engineering which led me to pursue the
Bachelor of Engineering with Honors in Mechanical Engineering in SIT.
Being an introvert, I would say public speaking is my communication weakness. I tend to speak faster when I am doing a presentation,
and this leads to me not being able to convey the message clearly during my
presentation. As for my strength, I would say I am very open to receiving
criticism. Personally, I feel that criticism from others is a learning
opportunity for me to improve myself as the process of learning will never stop.
I believe constructive criticism plays an important part in communication as we
can offer tips for improvement without offending anyone in the process.
My goals for this module are to develop my communication and
presentation skills. Having English as one of my weaker subjects since young, I
often find myself not being able to express my thoughts clearly. I also aim to
refine my presentation skill such as body language and maintaining eye contact
with the audience. I strongly believe that the soft skill learnt in this module
will stick with me for life and be applicable wherever I go.
Thank you for reading through my introduction. I am looking forward to attending your next lesson and learning more from you!
Yours sincerely,
Rui Shen
MEC 1281 T4
Edited: 30/03/2020
Dear Rui Shen,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and well-focused letter. You mention all the points of the assignment and you provide decent detail. I really appreciate learning about how your interest in engineerng developed from your youth, but you could reflect on and try to mention exactly what it was that initiated your wanting to know what made things work.
You do a good job of discussing your comm skills and your goals for the module. Toward the end of furthering your skills, please consider these issues:
1. verbs
-- Since young, I am always curious on how the mechanism of a certain object works. > (verb tense)
Since young, I have always been curious on how the mechanism of a certain object works.
2. words/phrasing
-- This curiosity in me has piqued my interest... > (wordiness) ?
-- that the soft skill learnt > that the soft skillS learnt
3. sentence structure
-- Being an introvert, public speaking would be my communication weakness. > (dangling modifier: who is an introvert?)
-- Having English as one of my weaker subjects since young, I often find ... > CORRECT!
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Cheers, Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking your time to write these constructive feedback. With it, i will be able to improve my introduction letter and continue to learn throughout this module.
I look forward to attending your class and learning more from you!
Best regards,
Rui Shen
Dear Rui Shen,
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you are pursuing a degree in the same field as your interest. Perhaps you could have written a little about your hobbies, for us to get to know you better?
I look forward to working with you in class!
Best regards,
Mikaiel
Dear Rui Shen,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, thank you for sharing and introducing yourself to me.
1) Do you think your weakness can indeed become a strength for you ?
2) In which area of presentation skills would u want to improve?
Thank you and looking forward to work with you.
Regards,
Fadzly